Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
