when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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