this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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