Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
They took my balls.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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