I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
