I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
