I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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