honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
