last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
