There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
