the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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