I just pynch a tree in the face
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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