is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
