I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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