hotel room ftw
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
