i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I deserve this hangover.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
