if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is it because I queefed?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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