And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
