This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
