For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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