Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
