1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
