just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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