when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
