using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
