He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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