i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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