I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
