You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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