my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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