Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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