I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
