My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
