There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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