Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The dick lei will go down in squad history
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
