Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
