This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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