Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
