I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
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I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
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He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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