I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
