I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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