i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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