ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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