And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
