So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
