How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
