he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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