The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
