Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
