Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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