Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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