i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Randomize
