so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
