College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
