remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
