I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
