I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
