I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
