I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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