he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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