dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
